Leaving Your Babies Behind

I had my first child when I was very young, some would say too young. Although it seems a common trend in todays mothers and fathers. Fortunately for me I had a wonderful baby who helped me grow up and see things differently. She is five now and this is her first year in school. I was luckier than a lot of new mothers. When I returned to work I got to take my daughter with me. I worked at a daycare as a preschool teacher and she was just down the hall in the nursery, I good go visit her anytime I wanted. Life was great, but unfortunately daycares don't pay to well. In this day and age you need money, and a pretty large amount of it to get by comfortably. So I found a new better job with all the bells and whistles (vacation, benefits, 401k, ect., ect.). It was ok at first I had a good babysitter who was excellent with my daughter! As my employment continued I realized how drained I was and how much I missed my little girl who was growing up far to fast now. But I didn't have the energy I needed to feel like I was being a good mom. Luckily for me I finally found the "right" guy. He made it able for me to take some time off and spend it with my daughter. About 6 months, and it was very nice. When I did go back to work I had the best job ever! I was a lifeguard at our community pool and they let me bring my daughter. Everyday we went to the pool all day, we had a blast! Then my fiance and I decided we wanted to have another child. So I needed a job that paid more. And once again I needed to send my daughter to a babysitter. My future sister-in-law was up for the job. We had our second little girl and I sent her right off to the sitter. Back to work. We had a long, very long commute. So I didn't see very much of her with her eyes opened. I missed out on a lot, and it took me much longer to build a bond with her. This is when I started to realize that life is too short for all the hustle and bustle. My baby is almost two and only recently do I really feel I know her. Isn't that sad? You want a family, you make that family, you love and cherish them, but do you spend time with them? My answer was no, at least not quality time. I was in the same house or room but I was busy and tired. Not to mention I was and am still on constant look out that I do not show favoritism to our younger daughter so that our oldest (from my previous joke of a marriage) would feel neglected. So an hour to work, work all day, on hour back from work, cook, clean, TIRED & STRESSED. You know what the funny part is I was sacrificing my relationships with these beautiful girls and for what? We were still broke and living paycheck to paycheck. I left my babies behind for nothing. Now I have my third and last child, a son. I got nine measily weeks home with him and my younger daughter. I know nine is more than most women get, but that is pathetic. Why should we have a timeline on how long we get to spend with our children? Now don't get me wrong I am not a suzy homemaker, nor do I wish to be. I am all about it being 2007 and women can do it all! I just don't like the expectation that you have to choose between being a mother or an employee. I am not comforted by the thought of a stranger or another family member raising my children! If the cost of living were not so ridiculous than a part time job to supplement the family income would be perfect. To bad we don't live in a perfect world. To all the moms reading this that get to stay home with their kids....you are lucky, cherish every moment (even when you think you are going to go crazy because it is really once they are not there to drive you nuts that you find yourself loosing it). And to all the moms like me that are forced to work for what ever reason (usually bills or expenses of some kind) you are not alone, I miss my kids terribly. I just got a new job and had to leave the last baby I will ever have behind at the sitters for her to do my job while I pay her for it, isn't that ironic? And to all the mothers who choose to work for the love it, good for you but don't sell yourself to your jobs your children will miss you. In my opinion we should all move to Finland where their government gives them a year for maternity leave, 20 sick days a year and you can bring your kids to work if you need to. Isn't a shame that instead of our government doing even a fraction of that for us Bush is out blowing up the world? Too bad. Heres to all the mothers and fathers that leave their babies behind, if there is one thing my kids have to me....its that at the end of the day there is nobody they love more than you!