Monday, January 15, 2007

Leaving Your Babies Behind

I had my first child when I was very young, some would say too young. Although it seems a common trend in todays mothers and fathers. Fortunately for me I had a wonderful baby who helped me grow up and see things differently. She is five now and this is her first year in school. I was luckier than a lot of new mothers. When I returned to work I got to take my daughter with me. I worked at a daycare as a preschool teacher and she was just down the hall in the nursery, I good go visit her anytime I wanted. Life was great, but unfortunately daycares don't pay to well. In this day and age you need money, and a pretty large amount of it to get by comfortably. So I found a new better job with all the bells and whistles (vacation, benefits, 401k, ect., ect.). It was ok at first I had a good babysitter who was excellent with my daughter! As my employment continued I realized how drained I was and how much I missed my little girl who was growing up far to fast now. But I didn't have the energy I needed to feel like I was being a good mom. Luckily for me I finally found the "right" guy. He made it able for me to take some time off and spend it with my daughter. About 6 months, and it was very nice. When I did go back to work I had the best job ever! I was a lifeguard at our community pool and they let me bring my daughter. Everyday we went to the pool all day, we had a blast! Then my fiance and I decided we wanted to have another child. So I needed a job that paid more. And once again I needed to send my daughter to a babysitter. My future sister-in-law was up for the job. We had our second little girl and I sent her right off to the sitter. Back to work. We had a long, very long commute. So I didn't see very much of her with her eyes opened. I missed out on a lot, and it took me much longer to build a bond with her. This is when I started to realize that life is too short for all the hustle and bustle. My baby is almost two and only recently do I really feel I know her. Isn't that sad? You want a family, you make that family, you love and cherish them, but do you spend time with them? My answer was no, at least not quality time. I was in the same house or room but I was busy and tired. Not to mention I was and am still on constant look out that I do not show favoritism to our younger daughter so that our oldest (from my previous joke of a marriage) would feel neglected. So an hour to work, work all day, on hour back from work, cook, clean, TIRED & STRESSED. You know what the funny part is I was sacrificing my relationships with these beautiful girls and for what? We were still broke and living paycheck to paycheck. I left my babies behind for nothing. Now I have my third and last child, a son. I got nine measily weeks home with him and my younger daughter. I know nine is more than most women get, but that is pathetic. Why should we have a timeline on how long we get to spend with our children? Now don't get me wrong I am not a suzy homemaker, nor do I wish to be. I am all about it being 2007 and women can do it all! I just don't like the expectation that you have to choose between being a mother or an employee. I am not comforted by the thought of a stranger or another family member raising my children! If the cost of living were not so ridiculous than a part time job to supplement the family income would be perfect. To bad we don't live in a perfect world. To all the moms reading this that get to stay home with their are lucky, cherish every moment (even when you think you are going to go crazy because it is really once they are not there to drive you nuts that you find yourself loosing it). And to all the moms like me that are forced to work for what ever reason (usually bills or expenses of some kind) you are not alone, I miss my kids terribly. I just got a new job and had to leave the last baby I will ever have behind at the sitters for her to do my job while I pay her for it, isn't that ironic? And to all the mothers who choose to work for the love it, good for you but don't sell yourself to your jobs your children will miss you. In my opinion we should all move to Finland where their government gives them a year for maternity leave, 20 sick days a year and you can bring your kids to work if you need to. Isn't a shame that instead of our government doing even a fraction of that for us Bush is out blowing up the world? Too bad. Heres to all the mothers and fathers that leave their babies behind, if there is one thing my kids have to me....its that at the end of the day there is nobody they love more than you!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Friendships Come & Go

You know how you have your friends and then you have your "friends"? I mean there are the people you are friends with at work and people you have met in random ways that you kind of keep in touch with, but then there are your real friends. These are the people you can not talk to for days, weeks, months, even years. Although the moment you do talk it is as if no time has gone by at all. You are able to pick up right were you left off! They still get you and you get them. I was talking to one of those friends just the other day about how different people come into your life for different reasons, and how you grow apart from certain people. I've been giving it some thought and realized I am not always the best "friend". I get caught up in life and loose touch with some of my very closest and dearest friends, but they forgive me for it. How have I come to earn this pass for my rude and inconsiderate behavior is unknown to me. What is known is that I have a few very special friends! While friendships have come and gone in my life as I am sure they have in yours, I've come to the conclusion that these special friends are not friends at all.

They are more than that. I think it is like a chosen sister or brother. You have known them forever and you except the good with the bad as they do for you. You may not see them or talk to them at times but they are always in your hearts! So while friendships come and go these people don't ever go, because they aren't friends per say. They are your selected family.

In school days you had your BFF (best friend forever) now that we are all adults we don't necessarily refer to each other that way. It is nice to know that while your friends and family may judge you for things you do in your life, your very best of friends or your "chosen family" that you hold closest in your heart do not judge you. While they may not be in agreeance with you they are there for you. They are supportive while nobody else is. They are your rock when you need to be grounded, but in a good way!

You don't have to have a lot of these types of friends. Some people may only have one and some may have many. Consider yourself lucky that you have them because there are people that don't have special friends like you and I do! I have less than a half dozen people that fall into this category and that is plenty for me! These people may not know each other but they know me and I know each one of them inside and out. We are part of each others support team. Being part of that team of chosen sisterhood gives me a satisifying feeling. It is good to know you are loved, and even better to know how much you love the others in yourlife.

Monday, January 8, 2007

Tell Your Kids to Worship the Celebrity!

It is so easy to have self doubt. In our society self esteem is brain washed into nonexistense. Everyone in the magazines and on TV and in the movies are all beautiful or skinny to a point that looks unhealthy. They don''t praise people in the spotlight that are bigger than a size two. Where is that supposed to leave the rest of us? Wishing and dreaming unrealistically. Nobody is grateful anymore for what their ma and pa gave them. No one looks for their one beauty but rather wishes for somebody elses. In the fifties it was the womans job to tend to the house, in the sixties who can remember, the seventies saw womens activism shoot way up, the eighties women moving into the workplace with more respect, the nineties woman proved they are forces to be reckoned with. Now we are into the next century and we are raising our daughters in a world where more kids know who Paris Hilton is than Dick Cheney. My generation is out of touch with reality. We are more concerned with who is on myspace than who is running for office. This is ridiculous! We are parents now. Shouldn't we give a damn about the world around us? I am guilty of it too. I find myself engrossed in Entertainment Tonight but when the real news comes up its time to change the channel. If we don't take accountibility for ourselves and recognize the need to change then who will teach our kids? I am not perfect or better than anyone else, I just want the best for my kids. I find it very difficult to deal with the road that is ahead of my children. Instead of our kids learning through TV and magazines what is "hot", why not take a more hands on approach and teach them what is important? The definition of a celebrity is 1)The state of being celebrated; 2)A celebrated person. So I say "tell your kids to worship the celebrity....within themselves!" Not the ones on the cover of STAR and US weekly.